Post by Captain Ryo Hirabayashi on Dec 16, 2022 15:20:26 GMT -6
Hello! And, welcome to the Roasts! Yes...We're roasting people here on Unrated! Why? Because, we can and it's fun.
And...The first to be roasted is a man who very much deserves it.
Canonically, this man was a decent example of what a Captain should be. He was kind, sweet and charming. Then, like every television librarian, he took off his glasses and became a hottie with a body! A bad hottie. But, a hottie nonetheless. He's only got one really good picture though. That's why he never changes his avatar. Ladies and gentleman, the first on the block...Is Sousuke Anita Aizen!
Yes. Sousuke Anita Aizen. For those of you who are curious, it was revealed in an episode of SSLN News that Aizen's middle name was Anita. A shocker. But, it gave Vale something to call Aizen when he's being the bitchy queen that he is. Now, Aizen isn't bitchy all the time. And, when he is, I think he's not often in the wrong. When striving for greatness, one must be occasionally bitchy. He wants to be dominated...
Dominate. He wants to dominate. *Stares into camera* Dominate...is what I meant. Aizen is an eager beaver. He wants to get things done. At least, that's the only explanation I can think of as to why he's always at attention and ready...to dominate. Seriously, go back and read. First of all, the man disrobes at record breaking speeds. And, when he is naked, he's ready to go faster than Shinso can kill a man from across the room. Sure, you could use your imagination to explain his readiness away. But, what you'd be imagining is Aizen walking the halls pretending his hands belong to Anita. I bet there's someone in Las Noches that just hates laundry day.
The worst part about all of that, is if you're using your imagination about that, you're also using your imagination to see Aizen at his peak...At his climax. Now, this goes totally against the grain of his inner moth or butterfly. But, I really just want to read somewhere that Aizen cooed at his climax. Like a pigeon. And, not a soft, subtle coo. No, he's loud about his release. He sounds like he's just left you with all his hopes and dreams. Picture it! He hits his peak, and all of a sudden horny pigeons invade the fifth tower. You're welcome...
There are two things I think we need to address when it comes to Aizen. The first is his hair. When he was undergoing changes with the hogyoku, he had every opportunity to not have a mullet. And, yet…Here he is with the haircut of the Shinigami hipster community. And, if you think about it, that haircut is the reason why none of us should be surprised about anything he does. He looks like he’ll knock over a realm, hump the first thing that gives him a dirty look then go drink a craft beer.
Now, the second and most important point…His friends. Or lack thereof. Well, no. He says he has one friend. At the end of Deep Renewal, Aizen writes that his only friend is Suigetsu. He said his sword is his only friend…Aw. But, also…bitch! Gin and Tosen both followed you to Las Noches and you don’t consider them friends?! Granted…One tried to kill you and you killed the other. But, my goodness…That is really Anita of you, sir.
Ok…That’s all I’ve got today. Comment below with who you want roasted next!
And...The first to be roasted is a man who very much deserves it.
Canonically, this man was a decent example of what a Captain should be. He was kind, sweet and charming. Then, like every television librarian, he took off his glasses and became a hottie with a body! A bad hottie. But, a hottie nonetheless. He's only got one really good picture though. That's why he never changes his avatar. Ladies and gentleman, the first on the block...Is Sousuke Anita Aizen!
Yes. Sousuke Anita Aizen. For those of you who are curious, it was revealed in an episode of SSLN News that Aizen's middle name was Anita. A shocker. But, it gave Vale something to call Aizen when he's being the bitchy queen that he is. Now, Aizen isn't bitchy all the time. And, when he is, I think he's not often in the wrong. When striving for greatness, one must be occasionally bitchy. He wants to be dominated...
Dominate. He wants to dominate. *Stares into camera* Dominate...is what I meant. Aizen is an eager beaver. He wants to get things done. At least, that's the only explanation I can think of as to why he's always at attention and ready...to dominate. Seriously, go back and read. First of all, the man disrobes at record breaking speeds. And, when he is naked, he's ready to go faster than Shinso can kill a man from across the room. Sure, you could use your imagination to explain his readiness away. But, what you'd be imagining is Aizen walking the halls pretending his hands belong to Anita. I bet there's someone in Las Noches that just hates laundry day.
The worst part about all of that, is if you're using your imagination about that, you're also using your imagination to see Aizen at his peak...At his climax. Now, this goes totally against the grain of his inner moth or butterfly. But, I really just want to read somewhere that Aizen cooed at his climax. Like a pigeon. And, not a soft, subtle coo. No, he's loud about his release. He sounds like he's just left you with all his hopes and dreams. Picture it! He hits his peak, and all of a sudden horny pigeons invade the fifth tower. You're welcome...
There are two things I think we need to address when it comes to Aizen. The first is his hair. When he was undergoing changes with the hogyoku, he had every opportunity to not have a mullet. And, yet…Here he is with the haircut of the Shinigami hipster community. And, if you think about it, that haircut is the reason why none of us should be surprised about anything he does. He looks like he’ll knock over a realm, hump the first thing that gives him a dirty look then go drink a craft beer.
Now, the second and most important point…His friends. Or lack thereof. Well, no. He says he has one friend. At the end of Deep Renewal, Aizen writes that his only friend is Suigetsu. He said his sword is his only friend…Aw. But, also…bitch! Gin and Tosen both followed you to Las Noches and you don’t consider them friends?! Granted…One tried to kill you and you killed the other. But, my goodness…That is really Anita of you, sir.
Ok…That’s all I’ve got today. Comment below with who you want roasted next!