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Post by Captain Juushiro Ukitake on Dec 16, 2014 15:11:09 GMT -6
"Counseling":
Juushiro was back in Soul Society for his usual checkup, and though the tests had come back showing a fall, it wasn’t cause for holding him back. Yet. As Shunsui had firmly interjected at their meeting afterwards. If his health fell much more, he would either put him on house arrest at the shop, with Kisuke’s backing, or he would be restrained in some fashion here. There was too much going on for him to fall now. Some things, in particular, needed his touch to work out.
Juushiro chuckled, rubbing the back of his head. Before he returned to Karakura, he had one such task ahead of him.
Hearing the voices of his fourth seat and Ashimitsu in one of his division’s dojos, he entered just as Kairo flew into the opposite wall.
Ashimitsu, dressed in his black stealth uniform and a haori with the Shihoin crest on the back, bowed. “I apologize, Captain Ukitake. If I had known you were going to enter, I would have thrown him into a different wall.
Kairo sat up, likewise in his stealth uniform and his zanpakuto’s ribbons on his arms, and rubbed his head. “Welcome back, Captain. How was the checkup?”
Juushiro smiled. “It was satisfactory,” he said. He looked to Ashimitsu. “If it is alright with you, I would appreciate it if you would join me in my office. Kairo is welcome to join you.” He inclined his head with the same smile and left the dojo.
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Post by Captain Tsukiro Ashimitsu on Dec 16, 2014 15:22:03 GMT -6
Tsukiro looked to Kairo who shrugged. "Well, let's go find out what's going on." He nodded to the door and Kairo nodded back, standing up as they walked out the door. They caught up with Captain Ukitake. Tsukiro turned to him and asked, "So, what's going on? Is there something wrong?"
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Post by Captain Juushiro Ukitake on Dec 16, 2014 15:37:46 GMT -6
Juushiro shook his head as they walked. "No, nothing is wrong, Ashimitsu, but let's take this to a more comfortable place before I continue." As they entered his office, they noticed that the third seats weren't in the usual seats in the anteroom. Juushiro paused and knocked on his lieutenant's door. "Rukia, can I borrow you?" he asked.
She called out an affirmative and he turned back to the outside screen door, closing it firmly.
As he turned, he chuckled. "Don't look so worried, the both of you. When have I lied to anyone and succeeded?"
Kairo chuckled at that and took a seat on another cushion on the opposite side of the low table.
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Post by Lt. Rukia Kuchiki on Dec 16, 2014 15:44:05 GMT -6
Rukia strolled out from her room. "I think it's more possible for Aizen to surrender than for you to lie," she murmured, blunt. She set a tray down of cookies and tea and took a seat. "You really should have let me prepare the food, Captain."
Kairo picked up a cookie. "I think I prefer my cookies golden brown rather than black," he noted seriously.
Rukia glared and tried to punch him, but Kairo blocked. "I'm getting better," she growled. |
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Post by Captain Tsukiro Ashimitsu on Dec 16, 2014 15:46:01 GMT -6
"Okay, so what are we here to talk about?" Tsukiro asked. He was beginning to get a sour feeling in his gut. Not like something bad was about to happen, but like something he wasn't going to be very thrilled about was going to be discussed. Reflexively, his hands clenched into fists on his knees. "What's going on?"
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Post by Lt. Kairo Namori on Dec 16, 2014 15:48:42 GMT -6
Kairo noticed his childhood friend tensing up and punched him in the side. "First, relax, Tsuki," he said. "Do you really think Captain Ukitake would be here to make your life more difficult? The one captain you look up to more than Yoruichi Sensei?"
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Post by Captain Tsukiro Ashimitsu on Dec 16, 2014 16:06:49 GMT -6
Tsukiro rubbed his side, his expression still worried. "Well, no..."
His over active brain was already starting to narrow down the possible reasons why he was here. Then again, it wasn't that hard to figure it out. He just rather not think about it until Ukitake or one of them actually said it out loud. Yet before he could push it out of his mind, the haunting nightmare had already surfaced, bringing with it the memorial sounds of screaming and blades being run through flesh, and the stench of blood and death. Like always, his face and hands burned in the spots where their blood had splattered across his skin, seeming to soak through to the bone. out of the corner of his eye he spotted the red of Kairo's kimono and found himself closing his eyes. However, the darkness behind his lids made the image more vivid and he opened them again.
He couldn't find any words to say, nor would they have come out anyway. It was then that he knew they would probably have to coax the words from his mouth. |
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Post by Captain Juushiro Ukitake on Dec 16, 2014 16:23:30 GMT -6
Juushiro closed his eyes. "I wish there was an easy way to talk about this, but there isn't," he said gently. When Tsukiro remained silent, he sighed heavily. "Losing someone important to you is a terrible burden for anyone, and there is no way to bring the loss up without dredging up some buried grief." He looked down into his hands. "Sometimes that grief, however, can morph into other feelings, especially if that person died in an unexpected way. Tsukiro Ashimitsu, you feel guilty for your brother's and mother's deaths. To you, it doesn't matter that you were too young. You lived. They died. It is that simple. And if that wasn't a hard enough burden, you seek revenge and have let the feelings attached to that become something that controls your judgment and heart." He sipped his tea. "Your grief, instead of a natural part of life, has become an ugly part of your personality. You can't let go, even if there is a chance you have learned to control it, it is not the same as purging the wrongness from within."
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Post by Lt. Kairo Namori on Dec 16, 2014 16:26:48 GMT -6
Kairo, usual laughing eyes, were dark. He knew that his captain was speaking the truth, that his childhood friend had changed since that day. Maybe it was inevitable that something died in him, but it was more than that. He pushed Tsukiro's tea towards his hands, hoping that his captain would find a way to reach Tsukiro when it hadn't been possible before.
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Post by Captain Juushiro Ukitake on Dec 16, 2014 16:34:07 GMT -6
Juushiro nodded his thanks to his fourth seat before looking back at the silent Tsukiro. "Ashimitsu, I am not asking that you talk to us about that night today or tomorrow. Maybe we aren't the ones who can help with that. But I do want to listen to what the dark side of grief and guilt can do to someone."
He looked at Rukia. "Rukia came to my division shortly after her brother accepted her into the Kuchiki house. In a way, she was as alone back then as you may have felt at losing your family. Her noble heritage set her apart from her childhood companions and her brother, much like your father, was from a different kind of family. He did not know how to demonstrate how much he cared for her. At that time," the captain smiled softly, wistfully, "I had the best lieutenant I ever had. Kaien Shiba. Kaien was very apt at reading people and giving them what they needed, whether they wanted it or not. Rukia certainly didn't understand what he offered her at first. And when we lost him to a hollow one rainy night," his hand clenched and he closed his eyes, "I nearly lost two people close to my heart." |
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Post by Lt. Rukia Kuchiki on Dec 16, 2014 16:52:00 GMT -6
"We didn't know it was Aizen at that time, not until much, much longer, when Captain Ukitake examined the evidence Kisuke had in his possession," Rukia murmured then, the usual bite in her tone absent. She looked down into her lap. "He wanted to avenge his wife. He wouldn't accept any help during the fight, and when he lost, he was eaten by the same hollow who claimed his life." She paused. "He died by my sword," she stated bluntly.
She fell silent again, reaching for a cookie and biting into it. She chewed her bite slowly and then looked over at Kairo's friend. "Even though he chose that death with his last breath, to die still as himself, I blamed myself to the point that I couldn't care whether I lived or died. I followed orders blindly and until I met Ichigo, life was the same every day. A grey slate. Only until Ichigo, Renji, my brother, and everyone risked their lives to save me did I start to see the light." She closed her eyes. "If Aizen's plot hadn't hinged on my execution, I am sure I wouldn't be here now. I would have found some way to die..."
She bit into her cookie again then slammed her hand onto the table. "Those that die never leave us. My position that night gave Kaien-dono a peaceful ending. The blood covering us doesn't matter. If I were to blame, he would never have left his heart with me. Isn't it the same with you, Ashimitsu? Or did you want them to die that night?" she asked him directly. |
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Post by Captain Tsukiro Ashimitsu on Dec 16, 2014 17:04:58 GMT -6
".... I didn't..." Tsukiro said almost in a whisper. "... I wanted to spend my whole life with them and Yoruichi-sensei and Kisuke. I've never been that happy. I've spent the last century hoping that I could get that happiness back in some way or form. And then finally I met Kita and I thought, maybe I could be that happy again. But all that was for nothing. She was ripped away from me, forced to forget me and then fell for that snake. And all because of Sosuke Aizen. I never got any closure. I never got to say good bye to them. Justice was never gotten for them. I know it’s selfish because I’m probably only saying that for myself. I’ve tried letting go. I’ve tried moving on, but every time I was given the opportunity, it was ripped away from me. It’s like I’m fated to be miserable and unfortunate. It’s like I’m cursed.” |
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Post by Captain Juushiro Ukitake on Dec 16, 2014 17:18:56 GMT -6
“Kaien was expecting his first child that night when his wife was stolen from him,” Juushiro murmured. “He lost his wife and his firstborn, but he didn’t let that pull him down. He searched for their killer, and when that killer was too strong,” he closed his eyes, “when he couldn’t avenge her, he found a way to die as himself. Do you know why, even though he had lost, that he died with a peaceful expression on his face?” Juushiro paused and then opened his hand, holding up a tiny origami crane shaped from the tea bag. “Because he did not give up. Even when the odds were against him, he fought for his happiness until the very end.”
He reached over and set the crane in Tsukiro’s hand. “Have you fought for your happiness, Ashimitsu, or have you accepted misery as your fate? You know the right answer.”
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Post by Captain Tsukiro Ashimitsu on Dec 16, 2014 17:58:24 GMT -6
Tsukiro shook his head. "I assumed that all I would be awarded in life was sorrow. I had all but given up fighting for it. Everything that made me happy in life had been taken from me..."
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Post by Lt. Rukia Kuchiki on Dec 17, 2014 11:38:49 GMT -6
Rukia folded her arms before her. “If you don’t seek out happiness, do you really think you are going to be?” she asked in her blunt manner.
Kairo shrugged. “Kita did fall into his lap,” he murmured then dodged a cookie tossed at his head.
Rukia glared at him. “You. are. missing. the point!” she annunciated. She turned back to Tsukiro. “You told me yourself that Kita was ripped from you. Did you include the fact that you plan on getting her back?!” Tsukiro opened his mouth, but Rukia overrode him. “If it really mattered to you, you wouldn’t have forgotten,” she declared, pointing a cookie at him. “No, getting Kita back is more like a duty for you!” Again Tsukiro tried to talk and Rukia leaned over the table towards him. “Just like it wouldn’t have been proper for me to quit this division after Kaien-dono died, it would be wrong for you to give up on Kita. The way you’re going at this has NOTHING to do with seeking happiness!
“It is all one weight after another to keep you alive and fulfilling your duties. If you’re seeking anything, you’re punishing yourself for living, unconsciously making a living hell, because in reality, you don’t have the right to seek anything after they died. You’re using their spirits to bring you as close to death as you can possibly allow and turning their memories into the chains that curse each and every day you continue to live without them!” Rukia shouted, breathing heavy.
She fell back into her chair. “Think carefully, Tsukiro Ashimitsu,” she murmured, tone quiet again, “is that what your father and your dead family members want? Do they want to be hurting you? You’re alive.” She stood up, picking up another cookie, eyes dangerously moist. “They would want you to find joy in the long life ahead. It’s what Kaien-dono wanted for those left behind after his death.” She bowed to her captain and headed for her room, pausing again. “Live for them, idiot. If you can’t find something to be happy about, you’re an incurable fool with no hope.” She closed her door.
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