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Post by Captain Ryo Hirabayashi on Jan 23, 2016 10:54:46 GMT -6
Episode #89: Stick
[MUSIC PLAYS OVER THE LOUD SPEAKER] Kisuke: Good morning! And, welcome to another episode of SSLN News! Today's episode is brought to you by: Me! Because, I was here!
Kisuke: Did you guys like that? Hm? Did you like it? Toshiro: It was amusing. Kisuke: ...*Pokes Toshiro* Are you...Are you real? Toshiro: What else would I be, you idiot! Kisuke: Well, I mean... Aizen: *Walks in...Slowly* Hi... Kisuke: Hi... Aizen: *Leans on back of a chair* What's uh...What's going on? *Winces* Kisuke: Nothing. What's uh...What going on with you? Aizen: *Shakes head* Nothing. I'm fine. I'm ok. Kisuke: Ok. Vale: Hey, buddy. *Pats Aizen on the back* You don't look so good. Maybe you should sit down. Aizen: *Shakes head* I'm ok. Vale: No! No. You...You don't look good. Here, *Pulls out chair for Aizen* sit down and relax. Sit. Down. Aizen: I am ok. I'm alright. Kisuke: ...the hell... Aizen: Don't...*Points to Kisuke* Don't ask. Vale: Oh no! By all means! Ask~ Kisuke: I don't think I want to. He's waddling around here like he's got a stick up his ass. Vale: *Snickers* Something like that. Aw whats wrong, Aizen? Want a hug? Aizen: I hate you. Kita: I hate all of you.
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Post by Captain Ryo Hirabayashi on May 28, 2016 19:48:21 GMT -6
EPISODE #90 - Ihsotas [MUSIC PLAYS OVER LOUD SPEAKER] Kisuke: Good morning! And, welcome to another episode of SSLN News! Today's news is brought to you by: Dashing through the snow, on a one legged hopping horse. Through the First Division, we're never going to stop. When he shakes his head, they ring really loud. Because they are kind of bells. I'm pretty sure they're bells. Hey!Kenpachi's bells! Kenpachi's bells! Something and a something and a something. Toshiro: Be quiet! *Rubs temples* Kisuke: Look here! *Points a finger* Jut because you've decided to grow since the last show, doesn't mean you can start telling me what to do. Toshiro: I wasn't! You just sing...So...Horribly. Kisuke: Your mother! Toshiro: Martha? Aizen: *Walks in* Who the dickens is Martha? Kisuke: *Shrugs* Aizen: Anyway... *Slams picture on table and grins* Kisuke: *Looks at picture* And, just who is this handsome woman? Aizen: Beautiful...Not handsome... Kisuke: Oh, no...He's handsome. Aizen: SHE! Damn it! She! And, her name is Ishotas. Vale: *Raises a brow* Kisuke: *Looks to Vale* Aizen: Let be a lesson to all you jerks! I can get a woman! Vale: *Whispers to Kisuke* That's Satoshi spelled backwards. Kisuke: That...Is Satoshi spelled backwards... Aizen: *Snatches picture*Looks at picture*Looks at Kisuke*Looks at picture* I hate you! *Storms out* Kita: I hate all of you. To be continued...
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Post by Captain Ryo Hirabayashi on Sept 3, 2016 7:21:40 GMT -6
Episode #91: Kitty Litter
[MUSIC PLAYS OVER THE LOUD SPEAKER] Kisuke: Good morning! And, welcome to another episode of SSLN News. Today's news is brought to you by: Bya Pets. They're like Chia Pets. Only worse.
Ichigo: I don't get it. What do you put it? Byakuya: Blatant disregard and sarcasm. Kisuke: *Points to Byakuya* That. You put that on it. Ichigo: But...How? Nel: ITSYGO!! *Tackles* Kisuke: ...In other news! Ulquiorra, what's the other news? Ulquiorra: I still don't like you. Toshiro: Who does? Ulquiorra: I don't like you either. Grimmjow: *Hands Ulquiorra Catnip* Lighten up, dank shit. Ulquiorra: I would rather not... Toshiro: *Takes Catnip from Grimmjow and puffs* Hm... *Coughs* Nnoitra: *Watches with a grin* Toshiro: *Looks at Catnip* Wa... Grimmjow: Yeah... Toshiro: *Looks at Catnip How.... Grimmjow: Yeah...Yeah... Toshiro: *Looks at Catnip* I... Grimmjow: Yeah... Toshiro: But... *Looks at Catnip then gives it back* Grimmjow: Good stuff ain't it? Toshiro: *Pats Grimmjow on the back and sends him on his way* Ulquiorra: Are you going to tell him that he's just smoking kitty litter? Toshiro: No. No. Why spoil a good thing. Grimmjow: *Pokes Toshiro in the face* You're so tall... *Giggles* It's so cute. *Pokes again*
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Post by Captain Ryo Hirabayashi on Jul 22, 2017 10:15:17 GMT -6
EPISODE #92 - BUNCHA BITCHES
[MUSIC PLAYS OVER THE LOUD SPEAKER] Kisuke: Good morning! And, welcome to another episode of SSLN News! Today's news is brought to you by: The 40 Year Old Virgin. It's a great movie! And, Ichigo would be one if Orihime hadn't given him pity sex! Ha! Ichigo: You're hilarious! *Grunts* Isshin: He's right though, my boy! *Kicks Ichigo in the face* We Shiba's have no issue getting women! But, you! You...I don't know... Kisuke: Are we sure that Ichigo and Orihime actually did it? I mean...Given...*Shrugs* Isshin: Yeah. *Strokes chin* Yeah. I know what ya mean. Ichigo: What?! He didn't say anything. And, it would be greatly appreciated if we didn't speculate about my sex life. Toshiro: Or, lack thereof. Ichigo: What the hell do you know?! You're twelve! Toshiro: With a Lieutenant with an impressive bosom that I just so happen to stand at eye level with. *Raises brow* I spend a lot of time alone for a reason. Ichigo: That...That... Isshin: That's impressive! Ichigo: Shut up! *Kicks Isshin in the face* Aizen: You all a collective of idiots with fewer conquests than I. Should you even be having this conversation...out of sheer respect for yourselves? Grimmjow: Takin' it ain't the same as gettin' it. Kisuke: True! Aizen: Says the pussy and the man who literally... Kenji: Hey! I don't want to hear that shit! Kita: You all are idiots. Grimmjow: *Puffs Catnip* Yeah. And, ya hate us. Aizen: *Whispers to Kenji* You know, I'm your father, right? Kisuke: Shut the hell up! I told you to stop telling people that! Kita: *Shakes head* Ichigo: What the hell?! Grimmjow: All of you can go suck bricks, buncha bitches! I'm going to go get hiiiiigh! Kita: Can I come?[TO BE CONTINUED...[
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Post by Captain Ryo Hirabayashi on Apr 14, 2018 6:54:32 GMT -6
Episode #93 - Secrets[LOUD MUSIC PLAYS OVER THE SPEAKERS] Kisuke: Good morning! And, welcome to another episode of SSLN News! Today's news is brought to you by: The final season of In Prison: Anita Addition - Sousuke Aizen's final year in prison with be a riot! Kisuke: Now, Toshiro with the news.
Toshiro: It's cold.
Kisuke: ...Thanks. Now-
Kita: Kisuke!
Kisuke: *Screams like a girl*
Kita: Don't you hide from me!
Kisuke: Why not?! *hides under desk*
Kita: Because, you and I need to talk! We've got to have a clear understanding about things, dammit!
Kisuke: Like what? We just got started.
Gin: As if that matters to a woman.
Kita: What?!
Gin: Nothing...
Grimm: Ha!
Kita: You zip it, pussy cat.
Kisuke: What...What are we getting clear exactly? I mean nothing has happened...
Kita: *Stomps a foot* Shut up! Listen, this go around, you assholes will learn to keep a damn secret!
Kisuke: What secret are we not keeping?!
Gin: In truth, the whole thing about Kita's strange reaitsu...Everyone sort of knows about that. I mean Ichigo knows about it. And, we all know that he's not intelligent enough to notice it himself. Someone told him...
Ichigo: HEY!
Gin: Shut up!
Kita: Both of you shut up! That's not what I'm talking about!
Vale: *eats popcorn and watches*
Kita: I'm talking about the other thing...
Kisuke: What other thing?
Isshin: Kita! I have your prescription for your hemorrhoids and gas! *Looks around* Hello everyone!
Kisuke: Oh...
Kita: *eye twitch* Thanks...Isshin...
Isshin: You're welcome, love. Try not to eat any spicy foods. These won't help with your gas, if you do.
Grimm: Ha!
Kita: I hate you all...
Aizen: *pops up behind Kita* I love you...
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Post by Captain Ryo Hirabayashi on Mar 3, 2019 8:37:22 GMT -6
Episode #94: 4th Wall [MUSIC PLAYS OVER THE LOUD SPEAKER] Kisuke: Good morning! Toshiro: Stop shouting... Kisuke: Let me have this, Toshiro! Toshiro: *shakes his head, walks away* Kisuke: Thank you! *sighs and starts over for some reason* Good morning! And, welcome to another episode of SSLN News! Today's episode is brought to you by: Las Noches: If you think about it, all of them are bugs, ornaments, weird or jellyfish. Oh! Cats. Grimmjow is a cat. Grimmjow: Fuck you!
Kisuke: Your mother!
Grimmjow: WHAT?!
Kisuke: Your...Motherrrrr!
Vale: Wait...Why is he offended by that? Do hollows have moms?
Gin: Oh let the pussy purr, Kisu~. *adjusts feather boa* He's just upset that he is fresh out of nip.
Kisuke: I'm not!
Grimmjow: Fuck all of you!
Kita: *walks through room* I...Hate all of you...
Vale: You're such a hateful person...
Kita: WHAT?!
Vale: Nothing!
Gin: *grins* He said he loves you~ *twirls feather boa*
Aizen: *comes out of nowhere* WHAT?! *trips*
Vale: Why does everyone keep yelling what?!
Yoruichi: *hops on top of desk* Because, you all are idiots.
Ulquiorra: *stares at group* If anyone cares about the weather...It's cold outside.
Kisuke: It's 71° outside, Ulquiorra...
Vale: *stares at the bat*
Ulquiorra: *stares at the ass*
Vale: Well...?
Ulquiorra: *shrugs with a deadpan* Yes?
Camera guy: *sighs* Ulquiorra...Your line is 'WHAT?!'
Ulquiorra: Yes. But, why?
Camera guy: It's...It's in the script.
Kisuke: THIS IS SCRIPTED?! *walks over and puts an eye in to the camera lens like an idiot* Is my life a lie?!
Camera guy: Wa...I...
Other camera guy: Kisuke, don't touch the camera, please.
Kisuke: EVERYTHING'S A LIE!
Camera guy: ...I...Uh...Can...Can someone yell cut already?!
Other camera guy: *sighs* ...every time...
To be Continued...
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Post by Captain Ryo Hirabayashi on Mar 3, 2019 12:24:02 GMT -6
Episode #95: Sundays [STATIC PLAYS OVER LOUD SPEAKER]
Vale: *shakes head and leans on desk* ...every Sunday... *shakes water bottle*
Kita: Like clockwork...
Vale: He's an idiot. *looks at Kisuke flip over stuff like a baby* Look at him!
Gin: *plucks feathers from boa* Such is life...I don't understand his disconnect, though...
Vale: What I want to know is why you have a boa...
Kita: Don't...*pats Vale's arm* Don't ask...He brought it from home...
Gin: *smiles at Vale*
Kisuke: WHAT ELSE IS A LIE?! *throws a chair*
Grimmjow: That man is an enigma.
Kita/Vale/Gin: WHOA!
Vale: We asked you not to do that!
Kita: Oh my various gods!
Gin: ...ugh...
Grimmjow: *sighs* You people...I have refused to speak as if obscenities are the only words in my vocabulary, while off camera.
Toshiro: You guys know we're like totally different people off camera, right.
Aizen: But, *puts on cardigan as his assistant sets his teacup on the counter because this asshole thinks he's Mr. Rogers* You're really twelve. So, how exactly are you different.
Toshiro: Fuck all of you...
Grimmjow: Language, please...
Aizen: *sips tea* Do you all think we have time for a nap this time? *watches people tackle Kisuke* Yeah...I'm going to go take a nap...
Vale: I want grilled cheese...
Kita: Gods that sounds good...
Grimmjow: It does, actually.
Vale: Let's go get grilled cheese. *gets up with everyone to leave but then turns around and smacks the teacup out of Aizen's little wrinkly hands* You're not old, okay. And, for fucks sake take that damn sweater off!
Aizen: ...It's a cardigan...
Vale: *walks over to door and joins the others* We're not eating grilled cheese with you in a goddamn sweater. You can meet us in the cafeteria when you take that shit off.
Aizen: ...*whispers* but, my bones...*listens to Kisuke scream like a bitch* Yeah, okay...*takes off cardigan and throws it then runs toward door* Wait for me!
To be Continued...
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Post by Captain Ryo Hirabayashi on Oct 5, 2019 9:14:23 GMT -6
Episode #96 - Fucking Idiots [MUSIC PLAYS OVER THE LOUD SPEAKER' Kisuke: Gooooood morning, fellow campers! Today's episode of SSLN News is brought to you by: Hora Ride Sharing - Need a ride? Gesshin will get you there in a quick grab and a hurry! Ulquiorra: That's not clever at all... Kisuke: You...You wrote this... Ulquiorra: *deadpans*...It's still not clever... Kisuke: ...Ok...Anyway, it's been a while, folks! We've got some exciting news for you! Kenji: *slams little hand to the table* You're all fucking idiots!" *giggles* Kisuke: *stares at Kenji* Toshiro: *stares at Kenji* Ulquorra: *still deadpanning* Aizen: What the hell are you teaching my son?! Toshiro: Well...*scratches head* That got weird fast...er than normal...*walks away* Kisuke: Your kid?! Aizen: My kid! Kisuke: He is literally a mocha version of me! Aizen: Brew! Grimmjow: Shut the fuck up about the fucking brew! *falls over mid puff* Shit...Fuck...Damn it! Kenji: Brewwwwww! Aizen: *gestures toward Kenji* Brew! Kita: *walks by* You're all fucking idiots... Gin: ...And? Kita: *swings rope* I hate all of you? *shrugs*
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Post by Captain Ryo Hirabayashi on May 22, 2020 23:26:44 GMT -6
Episode #97 - Poop Eye
[MUSIC PLAYS OVER THE LOUD SPEAKER]
Kenji: Good morning, e'rybody! An' welcome to ano'ver ep'sode of SSNL New. SNLN New is broughted to you by:
Barnaby my bunny.
Toshiro: Kenji...
Kenji: *shuffled papers around* Yes?
Toshiro: Why are you doing the news?
Kenji: 'Cause Aizen gots poop eye...
Ulquoirra: ...The flu...
Toshiro: Who has poop eye?
Kenji: *shrugs* Aizen gots poop eye...
Ulquiorra: ...Aizen has the flu...
Vale: What the fuck is poop eye?
Kenji: Is when...you get farted in the eye!
Vale: ....What?!
Grimmjow: The fuck?! Who farted in Aizen's eye?
Ulquiorra: ...Aizen has the flu...
Kenji: He has poop eye!
Yoruichi: Who has pink eye?
Kenji: Poop eye!
Yoruichi: That's gross, Kenji...
Kenji: is not!
Ulquiorra: ...It's the flu...Aizen has the flu...
Kenji: No! Daddy say he not hear from him. An', so he go an' check on him. An' then he say that Aizen got poop phone. Now he got poop eye. An' he gonna...he gonna take care of poop eye 'til he better...*nods*
Grimmjow: ...the fuck?!
Kita: Aizen is sick.
Ulquiorra: ...He has the flu...
Kita: While in his germs, he dropped his phone in the toilet.
Kenji: Poop phone!
Kita: And, Kisuke is being better than all of us by taking care of Aizen...
Vale: Ok...but he keeps saying poop eye...phone...
Kita: He's three.
Vale: Right...
Grimmjow: ...who the fuck...farted in Aizen's eye?!
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Post by Captain Ryo Hirabayashi on Jun 25, 2020 11:17:25 GMT -6
EPISODE #98 - Uncle Grimm
[MUSIC PLAYS OVER THE LOUD SPEAKER] Kisuke: Good morning! And, welcome to another episode of SSLN News. Today's news is brought to you by: SenBonBanana Bread...Tastes like cherry blossoms. Kisuke: Heh...Tastes like cherry blossoms... Grimmjow: *stares at Kisuke* Kisuke: ...What? Grimmjow: *still staring at Kisuke* Kisuke: ... *stares back* Grimmjow: *holds up one finger* ...hold on... *takes a puff* Kisuke: ...What is going on right now?... Grimmjow: ...Ok...Now... Kenji: *runs up and nut punches his father* Kisuke: *falls over* Kenji: *throws hands in the air* Did I do it?! Grimmjow: *nods* Good job, kid....Just like Uncle Grimm taught ya... Kisuke: *is dying* Kenji: Daddy, I did it! Kisuke: *gives thumbs up* ...good job... Grimmjow: *nods and takes a puff* ... *leans over and looks at Kisuke* You got punched in the nuts! Kisuke: Shut up, Grimmjow...Shut up...
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Post by Kenji Urahara on Nov 30, 2020 14:14:20 GMT -6
EPISODE #99 - WE ALIVE! [MUSIC PLAYS OVER THE LOUD SPEAKER...ALL CREEPY LIKE] Kenji: Goooooooooo' mornin'! *waves* And, welcome to a'nuder episo' of the news! *nods* Today's new, is by Konpaku! He a mod soul! Kenji: *looks to other camera* Now! I know'd you worry 'bout us. Cuz we not been here. But, we alive! Not like a zom'ie...But, we alive! My mommy been working har'... *holds up picture of Yoruichi* And, my daddy...well...my mommy say he mis be havin'..*shrugs* Grimmjow: That's misbehaving, you dork! Kenji: Don' call me a dork, you kitkat! Grimmjow: A what?! Kenji: *points all aggressive like* Don' make me pet you! Kisuke: *appears out of nowhere* No wet food for you! Grimmjow: Fuck off! Gin: Such language...There is a child here. Grimmjow: Eat a di- Kita: Grimmjow! Aizen: *walks in a gross and such* Kitaaaa.... Kenji: *stands on desk and points* Poop eye!! Grimmjow: Whoa! *turns around* You've got shit in your eye?! Toshiro: I...Don't think that's what he means... Grimmjow: He's got shit in his eye! Aizen: No I don't! These are tears! *sucks up a whole mess of snot* Vale: Oh fuck...Here we go... Kita: That's disgusting... Aizen: I have missed you all so much...I can't...*sniffles* I mean...*sniffles again* Kisuke: Oh geez... Vale: ...*shakes head* Aizen: I just...*gets all dramatic and hugs Kita* Kita: ...Let go of me... Aizen: *hugs tighter* Vale: She's gonna kill him... Gin: Want to watch? Kenji: Nee! No...You're going to get poop eye! *hops off table* Kita: I hate all of you...
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Post by Captain Ryo Hirabayashi on Apr 22, 2021 11:18:50 GMT -6
EPISODE #100 - Get It! [MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY OVER SPEAKER] Kisuke: Gooood morning! And, welcome to the 100th episode of SSLN News!! Today's very special is brought to you...by.... *stares at it* What the hell is this? Toshiro: *stares* I...Don't like this... Kisuke: Why is it so big?! Gin: Um... Kisuke: ...Yeah... Grimmjow: *takes a hit* The fuck is this?! Kita: Hey guys... *looks at it* Oh my god... Kisuke: ...I know... Vale: But....What is it? Gin: Oh my! It moved! Kita: *points all dramatically* Get it! Kisuke: *rolls up newspaper* I'm gonna get it... Kita: Kill it dead! Vale: That's what happens when you kill something, Kita...It dies... Kisuke: Shhh! *sneaks up on it* ...*sneaks* .... *sneaks some more* ... Aizen: ...Do not hit me... Kisuke: *realizes that its Aizen* ............ *hits it anyway* Aizen: Ow! Kisuke: *runs* Aizen: *grumbles* ...bitch...
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Post by Captain Ryo Hirabayashi on Dec 14, 2022 9:27:09 GMT -6
EPISODE 101 - As Normal As It Gets
[MUSIC PLAYS OVER THE LOUD SPEAKER]
Kisuke: Alright! And, welcome back to another episode of SSLN News! *scratches back of head* It's been a while. We know. But, we've got a good reason for being away so long.
Aizen: I was in prison...
Kisuke: ...Were you?
Aizen: I was...*nods*
Kisuke: *nods* Anyways...I was going to say that life got away from us...*nods again* Well...Today's news is brought to you by:
...
Wait...Why were you in prison?!
Kita: Because it was the only place I wasn't willing to go to beat his ass!
Aizen: *slinks away* ...hi Kita...
Ulquiorra: ...You all are idiots. And, if anyone is curious about the weather...It's cold.
Toshiro: I think that's my line, Ulquiorra. *feels Ulquiorra staring* But, you can have it.
Clone Kisuke: *runs through the room naked* The news is back! The news is back!
Kisuke: What was in the nog at the Christmas party?! What is this chaos?!
Grimmjow: It's the fucking news! Ha! *takes of hit of his catnip* Yeeeeesssss! Who is getting fucked up first?!
Vale: *hugs Grimmjow and feels everyone staring* You don't need to do drugs...Alone...
Aizen: ...He's going to get murdered...*eases arm around Kita*
Kita: *pancakes Aizen* When will you learn?!
Aizen: *mumbles in pancake while being dragged to the closet and hung by the haori* Kita! I looove you!
Clone Kisuke: *looks at Kisuke* You thought this was going to be a normal news segment. Didn't you?
Kisuke: Vale hugging people. Grimmjow getting high. Aizen professing his love. Kita shoving people in closets. *starts to cry some happy tears* this is about as normal as we've ever been.
[MUSIC FADES OUT]
Clone Kisuke: Oh hey! Don't forget to tell everyone that we'll be back to RPing after the 1st of year!
Ulquiorra: You just told them.
Clone Kisuke: Oh...Well, I suppose I did...
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Post by Captain Ryo Hirabayashi on Jan 26, 2023 10:18:57 GMT -6
Episode #102 - Inspector Cora [MUSIC PLAYS OVER THE LOUD SPEAKER] Kisuke: Gooooood morning! And, welcome to another episode of SSLN News! Today's episode is brought to you by: ANITA HUG - If you know...Ya know... Kisuke: If you haven't figured it out yet, we're back! We're back! Weeeeee'reeeee back! Ulquiorra: You don't have to yell... Kisuke: Hush you! We're back and...and... *points towards door* Who is that?! Inspector Cora: *clutches clipboard* I...I'm Inspector Cora. And, I am here to address a very serious matter. But, first I was told to speak with... *looks at clipboard* I. C. Weiner Hitsugaya... Grimmjow: Ha! Inspector Cora: *blushes* Sorry! I was just given this paper! Kita: *takes list* Vale! Did you write this?! Vale: Why are you blaming me?! Kita: It's signed 'Sousuke Anita Aizen'! Vale: That's his name! Kita: Inspector Cora, my apologies! Pay no attention to the idiots in the room. Aizen: *slides into room* Kita: No! Aizen: *slinks away* Kita: What can I help you with, Inspector? Inspector Cora: Well...I'm here for him! *points to Gin* Gin: *flips feather boa over shoulder to convey shock* To Be Continued...[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
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